This week, I sat on an interview panel, and while I have worked in HR for several years now, we asked a question of the candidates that I never heard before. It stumped most of the candidates, and it would have stumped me too, if I had been sitting in the hot seat.
“What is a common misperception about yourself?”
It’s different from the typical question that gets asked, “What is your biggest weakness?” Most candidates are ready for that one and have a canned answer that makes a “weakness” sound like a strength, like “I just work too hard” or “I care too much about the details.” This question requires enough self-awareness to know how you come across to others and enough vulnerability to share it.
Social media allows us to present a curated image of ourselves, if we want it to. However, it’s not just social media. It’s how we show up in real life too. When someone asks, “How are you?” we say “Fine!” or “Busy!” When we show up for work, church, school or a social gathering, we are dressed and have smiles pasted on, no matter how stressful it was to get there or the day that we are really having. We swallow our tongues, our pride, our feelings and paint on a brave face when we go out to face the world, lest we show someone how we are really doing.
Could you answer that question if you were put on the spot? I know that a job interview isn’t the place to divulge all of your deepest secrets and feelings, but it did get me thinking about misperceptions. How often do we think about how we show up to others and make sure that it represents us as we really are? Probably never - and I think that’s part of our problem.
A friend told me this week that she was jealous of a woman from high school that seemed to have everything a person could want: a gorgeous house, perfect family, flowing hair, the works. Anyone would be jealous of that, right? I found myself reminding my friend that we only know what is shared, that we have no idea what is going on behind the scenes. It was good for me to hear myself say that out loud.
Last week, I had a particularly trying day with Diana. I thought I would make things better by getting us up and out of the house to take our dog on a hike, while I listened to a few conference calls. (Pandemic working mom life at its peak, am I right?) Things went great for the first half, Diana was happy, the dog was happy, life was good. Then, things took a turn when I pointed out that we had been walking into the woods for 45 minutes, and that we needed to turn around to start heading home. Cue the tantrum. Diana was disappointed that we didn’t find the waterfall that she was sure was just around the corner (spoiler alert, it was not), and wanted to keep going. When I insisted that we go home/, the tantrum went into full-on meltdown mode. For the entire hike back out of the woods (while I was trying to listen to the conference calls), Diana trailed me with a tirade of complaints and assaults on my character. I ignored her and kept walking, until finally, she sat down and refused to go another step. I finally turned around and yelled, “Can we please just go home? It’s cool there. There’s water there. There’s no bugs there. Can we just GO HOME?!?!”
I was about to keep going with my own tirade, but was stopped cold when I heard my coworkers in my ear, “Jeannine, Jeannine, Jeannine, you are not on mute!!!” Somehow, my phone had come off mute in my pocket, and my coworkers had heard my side of the argument. I was mortified, but they started laughing, with one telling me that it made her feel better and that she wasn’t the only one that had conversations like that with her kids.
At the beginning of the pandemic, I had high hopes and expectations that we were going to sail through this home school/work from home thing. I purchased supplies, laid them out each night, had checklists, the works. I posted photos of my Momma School adventures on social media, and all was well for a while.
Obviously, that was not meant to last.
Another friend told me this week that she thought I was meant to be a homeschool teacher based on what she saw me post on Facebook - I couldn’t let her live with the misconception for even just one minute. I told her that she must have missed the other posts that mentioned the days where it took 11 hours to complete two worksheets. This has been HARD. We are both STRUGGLING. We have lots of strong emotions, every day. She thanked me for being real and honest, and said it made her feel less bad about her own struggles to know that all is not always as it seems on the surface.
The common thread is that we feel more connected by clearing up misconceptions. We feel less alone by setting the record straight. We feel more authentic by claiming the truth and speaking it as it really is, rather than what we wish it were. Right now, in the midst of a pandemic, that connection feels more important than ever - so, I am going to work harder on putting my real self out there than putting my best foot forward.
Comments