My friend James has checked in with me for the past 16 months, very regularly. It usually starts with a GIF and a short message, something cute like a kitten in a teacup and a sweet message to remind me to go “be amazing today” or a funny meme asking if I am hanging in there.
Instantly, my mood lifts, a smile grows across my face, and I feel a connection.
He’s always encouraging, asking when I am going to write again or telling me that he’s prayed for me in church that day. It’s never a long text exchange – maybe a few messages back and forth to see how I am doing, but I always feel better afterwards.
It probably takes him about 5 minutes total, but it changes my whole day to hear from him.
This past year has been hard for all of us – on top of the global pandemic, we have all had our own “stuff” going on, whether it’s a job change or loss, a move, isolation, virtual school, a family member being sick, divorce, depression, or any number of other things. It can be hard to tell people what people really have going on because for so many of us, we haven’t been near each other to observe someone’s daily fluctuations. On Zoom/Teams/FaceTime, we see what they choose to put on the screen. On social media, we see the highlights of what they choose to share.
By reaching out regularly, James made it okay for me to say that today wasn’t my best. I could tell he was paying attention: “you’ve been quite lately, you okay?” It’s also fun to share small victories with him because he was there when things weren’t so hot. His consistency over time has made me want to share both.
I recently started a new position with my company and will be able to work from home for the 12-18 months, for the most part. Part of me was stoked about not having to put on hard pants for that time – but another part of me, the extroverted part, quickly realized that I am going to need to be a lot more like James for that time period if I don’t want to slip into a rhythm of disconnection or isolation.
Scrolling through social media isn’t connection – sometimes, it feeds the opposite. Sending memes back and forth is fun, but it doesn’t really tell me how someone is doing. (To be clear, I will still be doing a TON of both of these…#cantstopwontstop)
I’ll definitely have to be more intentional about getting out of the house to go see people, but that’s not always possible as a single mom. So, I have made a list of people I want to be connected to. It’s a sticky note attached to my computer monitor, where I will see it regularly, and each day, I am going to reach out to some of them. It may start off with a cute GIF or a link to an article that made me think of them, but really, I will be using those to open the door to check in with my friends and get that connection that I want.
Just like James.
Comments