The real answer is...

With everything going on in the world between the heightened awareness about racial injustice and the ongoing pandemic crisis, a lot of us have been looking for answers. I know I have. Everything feels unsettled and uncertain to me these days.

I found myself in quite the pity party last week - feeling kind of unmoored, lonely and sad. There was a press conference by the Alabama Department of Education that basically didn't commit to anything concrete. The governor just extended the Safe at Home order through the end of July. There's continued news coverage of additional racially charged incidents every day. Some people I thought I knew are starting to show their true (ugly) colors when it comes to race, politics, and current events. Oh, and I MISS PEOPLE.

It all just felt like too much. I want to know when we are going to go back to “normal”, and no one really knows. I want to know when things are going to be “fixed”, and no one really knows. I want to find “balance”, and that feels ever-elusive.

While sitting poolside last weekend watching Diana play, I texted a friend to tell on myself about how much of a funk I was feeling. It’s one of the tools in my toolkit that’s proven to be the most helpful over the years. Finding a human to connect with, get vulnerable with and share my thoughts with inevitably breaks the cycle. Even just taking the action of picking up the phone to start the text message, I started to feel my spirits lift a little.

Here's the thing: my friend didn't say anything that resolved any of the issues I had. As a matter of fact, she shared some insight about the length of time that we can likely anticipate dealing with the COVID situation that I hadn't considered before. (Spoiler alert: could be up to 2 years.) It was the action of seeking connection that brought me relief.

Connection looks much different these days. I am an extrovert and feed off of interacting with other people. I took for granted that I could swing by someone's office or that I would see them in the drop off line at school. I took for granted that I could get together my small group and hold hands to pray at the end of our meeting. I took for granted that I could run into a friend at the store and hug her neck. I took for granted that I could hop on a plane or jump in the car and go see friends and family. I took for granted that I could go to comedy shows, concerts, and storytelling events with friends and hundreds of strangers. I took for granted that I could go to any restaurant I wanted.

I miss ALL of that.

Now, we have to be more intentional about connection. It doesn't just happen naturally as a result of being in physical proximity with other humans. It takes more effort than it used to, but it's worth it. For me, the action of seeking connection is where the magic happens. On my own, I tell myself that everything is horrible and that there's no end in sight. But with YOU, I find out that isn't quite true after all. With YOU, I find out that despite our circumstances, there's still good in the world and even laughter. With YOU, I find that we can still encourage, uplift and empathize with each other, even if it's virtually. With YOU, I find that our shared experience feels less heavy and scary.

So, the real answer to all of my many questions is not about a specific date or set of circumstances. The real answer is intentional connection with people, and for today, that's all the answer I need.